Yet Another Realisation

After my ‘realisation‘ entry some time back in September, today I had another realisation yet again.

I don’t necessary hate the idea of work (which encompasses meeting people, preparing plans/proposals, self-learning, admin/paperwork, servicing) but lately, I have come to realise that there are 2 aspects of my work that I have come to really dislike over time

1. Having to lug laptop to office

In spite of having done 1 round of clearing out papers/documents some time back, my laptop bag started getting heavier again pre-hols. And this did not improve post-hols. To the extent that my right wrist started to strain pre and post hols, sigh.

It is no fun having a strained / less than strong wrist on your dominant hand. Moreover it kind of gets in the way in my yoga practice (studio class/home practice) as well – especially after doing Wheel Pose (the lack of shoulder strength/flexibility contributes as well).

The simple day-to-day action of carrying my laptop got to me so much that I declared a ‘work-from-home’ day for myself today. So will finish up my paperwork today at home and do the submission tomorrow morning (before 12 noon) as it will be in the same timeframe after all. And that’s why I’m blogging now 😛

2. Dislike Working In The Office

In large part due to the frustrations I feel about my current work environment as mentioned on and off. Being in such a toxic environment surely contributed a huge part to my slump this year.

So now my strategy/plan is to try to keep to a 3 day week in the office. And I plan to take the last week of 2018 off work (more like a office break as some of my work can be done with laptop/phone anywhere) to focus more on self-care activities (including reading, eating well, more yoga/barre classes). So fast that I need another ‘office break’ after my Japan trip in November but its a clear sign how sick and tired I’m of this place!

Real case in point. After team lunch + spending the entire afternoon clearing various work stuff in the office on Friday – I reached home utterly exhausted/drained out. See how being in a toxic place does to you 😦

Point number 1 (i.e. carrying laptop with a weak right wrist) also lends support to  travel to office less, ha!

And while attempting to clean up this blog a little, when going through some old entries and came across this one entry on lying to oneself.

In this entry – I linked up to this entry from Danny Choo’s blog, a blog/site that I used to visit regularly. 8 years on, I re-read both my own blog entry & Danny Choo’s entry with a new perspective (after the roller coaster that I have gone through in the past couple of years – with some of it documented on this blog).

Some excerpts from his entry:

** excerpts in block quote

After thinking much about this episode, I realized that I lied to myself to make myself feel better and escape from the reality of the situation. The lying kept me in a Comfort Zone – as long as I didn’t say anything, the employee would stay on and somehow I would be able to fix things – somehow.

There have been instances where people have told lies / swept issues under the carpet (a consequence of the original lie told) but nothing can be worst than the lie one tells oneself.

Lies are told to oneself – “everything is just fine.”

If you are in such a situations then remedy the situation by thinking of alternatives instead of continuing to lying to yourself. Success can only come about from failures when one seeks to remedy or improve upon past mistakes. Failure is certain when one continues to lie to oneself to escape reality.

And the following is such a slap in the face as well when a 3rd party gives you the opinion that I should just keep quiet because X feel ‘paiseh’ about the ‘wrong’ thing he/she has done, and pretend nothing has happened. All in the name of saving face for X and helping him/her feel better about himself/herself.

Being honest with others helps you confront issues instead of running away from them to feel better about oneself.

我觉得我没有办法做到这一点!

And how does all these relate back to my original entry? There’s no need to say everything is hunky-dory when the truth is that I hate carrying heavy laptop, I hate having a strained right wrist and I dislike toxic people/environments.

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