Back for my 2nd entry in a day, although technically my earlier entry has been in my drafts folder for a good 1+ week before I finished it up today 🙂
There will be times when we will go through moments of disappointment, feeling down and a sense of loss, pathetic, feeling sorry for ourselves …… while seeing others moving on to seemingly greener pastures. The negative feelings (as highlighted) get even worse when people unknowingly/unwittingly tell you that perhaps you will be better off if you have stay put (at where you originally were) and/or went ahead to to the ‘so-called’ better place.
In all fairness, when these comments were made, said person probably does not have enough facts and context about the entire situation at hand …… and so ……
Based on personal experience however, it is precisely such comments that can make one feel even more sorry and pathetic as a result. In other words, allowing ourselves to wallow in self-pity (and possibly go on a prolonged downward spiral). It is also in such situations/moments that we cannot ‘see’ for ourselves the ‘now’ that we are in – which may not even be that bad if we choose to to change/flip our perspective to see things from a more positive angle and hold gratitude for the lessons learnt during this ‘growing process’.
Easier said than done though. Try waking up everyday feeling lost, not knowing how the day will turn out, having no mood / enthusiasm to do anything – in short, feeling like an aimless zombie just going through the motions which I have written about it in some part here. Of course, there are some days you think the worst may just be over, then immediately, something negative has to occur to ruin the positvity that you are just starting to feel, and the vicious cycle begins again …… and you begin to wonder if this dreary rut will ever end!
And that’s when the self-doubt starts to creep in and you will start to think “oh well, perhaps I should have gone to B instead of making the choice that I did, and right now I feel stuck”. As mentioned before, the magnifying effect of social media also further adds on to this self-doubt when you ‘see’ for yourself what is going on with B – the happy pictures etc.
Perhaps I may be indeed better off in B. But as I have slowly come to learn, there comes a point when you just have to quit this negative train of thought and focus on your ‘now’, and what you can do to change your situation for the better. Because at the end of the day, if we keep focusing on others rather than working on ourselves,
- It is not going to make the situation better, especially when some variables are totally out of your control.
- You just waste more time feeling envious/jealous of others, while at the same time feeling sorry for yourself – when this time can be put towards more meaningful endeavours in life such as working on your personal development, refining/learning new stuff, spend time IRL with the people who matter.
- Sometimes the ‘greener’ grass as reflected through social media is a perception that the creator wants to project to the world out there. It is not so much a case of sour grapes that I’m making this comment, but let’s face it – IG/Facebook these days is more of a massive advertising engine and more often than not, curated in a way to create a certain perception that doesn’t reflect the complete picture.
- We often neglect the fact that the ‘now’ (no matter how ugly/imperfect it may be) still gives us something to be grateful for, for it gives more clarity to what we want/do not want (self-awareness). And that there is lots that we can learn from by going through this ‘process’ no matter how unpleasant/challenging it can get.
To sum it up in chinese, 在很多时候，人是得从逆境中才能成长。On the above, this is also a great read 🙂
Rather than thinking the grass is greener on the other side, perhaps its time to switch our thinking and make our own grass instead (figuratively, as weird as it may sound).