And so it has taken me yet another festive season (CNY this time) and 1 draft to finally get back blogging once again. Not becoming a good habit when one of the major goals/intentions that I had in mind for year 2018 was to break out of my major writers/bloggers block and start writing again ……
Pretty much the same way on how 2017 was (having to deal with endless frustrations, distractions, disruptions, drops in energy levels etc.) …… the same themes continue to carry over into 2018 as January simply just whizzed by me (in a good and not-so-good way). With the bulk of the frustration being not being able to actually start (let alone see progress) on major goals/projects that I intend to work on for year 2018.
And not to mention the toxicity around me (mainly my current work environment) and coming to the realisation that there are people in my midst who enable selfish behaviour and make excuses/justifications for it.
And there are also days when I just want to retreat into my own tiny little shell away from the world/from my obligations, day-to-day responsibilities …… the disconnect is real.
And also making space for the things I want / desire, and manifesting them.
As I focus more on my personal self care (in the form of taking work breaks every now & then, daily meditation, going for a yoga class / home practice, catching up on my Korean dramas/varieties, giving myself a dessert treat every now & then etc.) …… I also worry about how long the underwriting requirements for this major case continue to drag out as clearing it will mean that I’m closer to my target. The $$ aside, I will get peace of mind and perhaps finally get down to booking that 2 week long holiday that I have been wanting to take since last year. It is not that booking this holiday now will dent my bank account significantly …… but it is more of the concern that in the event of worst case scenario, I will need to spend more effort to ‘catch-up’.
Perhaps I worry too much at the back of my mind / in my subconsciousness. It is just like I had that one moment of hesitation (as feedbacked to me by Z and by Teacher C) when attempting a drop back into wheel pose (yoga) for my very 1st time during BackBends workshop last Christmas Eve. The hesitation could be lack of trust (in myself) …… it could also be fear within me that I will actually fall on my back (since it was such a big pose that was completely new and somewhat terrifying in the 1+ year that I have been practicing yoga). As I write/ramble on in this space – this clarity becomes clearer as I keep writing.
Ever since meditation has become a daily habit of mine, it has deepened my consciousness and self-awareness as I find myself constantly thinking about issues such as self-compassion, finding & speaking my inner voice/truth, creativity/ideas and since last Friday the practice of non-attachment (one of the 8 limbs of yoga). Came across this Wheel of Intentions by Kimothy Joy on instagram and felt that it sums up very well my hopes/aspirations for year 2018 and beyond.
Ending this long blog post 1 minute to 0400 Hrs, and at the end of it all, feeling more of a emotional release. Catharsis through writing never felt better. And at the same time, inching 1 step closer to finally breaking out of that writer’s block after struggling pretty much with it for the whole of 2017 🙂